Robe Day

What is a Robe Day? A Robe Day is typically a Sunday where you and your significant other spend an entire day in robes. While there are many flavors of this (2 shown at the bottom), the necessary ingredients are robes, a bed, a show to binge on (thank you netflix 🙏), and the snacks/drinks necessary to make it a full day. Here is my formula:

• Start with mimosas, a french omelette, and a piping hot cup of your favorite coffee at 10am or so

• Also, start with something light! Parks and Rec, The Office, or 30 Rock are perfect for morning chit chat

  • *Maybe a puff of the devils lettuce, if you are so inclined*

• Begin the BINGE. You’ll want at least 8 hours of something really gripping: Handmaiden’s Tale, GOT, something with punch that you are seriously invested in. Remember when House of Cards was the thing?

• Around noon bust out the charcuterie board. At least 3 kinds of meats, 5 kinds of cheese, and as many cracker vessels you can find with which to shove them down your fat face.

• When you begin slowing down, pop a bottle of white to slow things down and keep things interesting

  • Pause for PrivateDA when necessary

• Push on through to 5pm or so! It will be tough. Stretching and dog walks (STAY IN THE ROBE) will prevent the bed sores. Hopefully the lbs of meat and cheese are at least half digested at this point.

• Take the computer, or the entire TV, to the kitchen and start preparing a feast

  • Make something green as an appetizer so you don’t get gout. I would suggest creamed spinach, a Caesar salad, or avocado salmon ceviche (add lime!).

  • Cook a big tasty protein. Don’t skip on the butter. If you’re feeling adventurous make some ribeye cap or some bone marrow caccio e pepe. For vegans try cauliflower buffalo wings.

  • Make a risotto. This time and attentiveness needed will be a nice break for your underutilized brain.

  • I would wait two hours but then dessert! Flourless chocolate cake, gelato, or Sgroppinos w/ *pinky up*

• Then, put on a movie you have been saving for months! Its Sunday night and time for a MAW list movie.

• Pat yourself on the back! You just spent an entire Sunday away from your annoying ass friends (and fulfilled all 5 of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs!).

Do this every couple of months and you’ll fulfill all the hedonistic impulses that music festivals, trips to Vegas, and general college shitheadedness used to. You’re gettin’ older anyway and this is easier on the joints and the wallet.